guaranteed there's a song

Here's mine as of now:
I'd build a ladder to the moon
There I'd carve your name
If it would brighten up this room
But you know that anyway
I can't be the rock
Not today
Sometimes i wanna pop
Sometimes i wanna say

I'd like to breakdown, but I can't find the time
You're all lookin' to me
To keep it in line
I hope i can keep it in line

Sometimes i slow it down
To hear what I haven't heard
And when the darkness rolls around
I scream out the words
His picture's on my wall
He looks about my age
I wonder if he ever broke at all
I wonder if he ever had to say

I'd like to breakdown, but I can't find the time
They're all lookin' to me
To keep it in line
And I'm gonna keep it in line

It's gonna work itself out
It always does
At the last drop of doubt
Just like it never was

I am seriously about to break down for sure. Or more like I'd like to. But it is very true I can't seem to find the time, so where does it lash out instead? my sleep, meaning I am unable to get sleep. There's a ghost over my shoulder once again, it likes to "keep me company" which it's really haunting me. I wish I could sleep, or do other things besides analyze everything that happened. It's hard for me to talk about it to anyone too. because I never know what to say. I don't know how to explain any of this, because I don't even know what any of it is. I don't have anything else to say.

...I remembered my thoughts that I was trying to say earlier perhaps I have already talked about this but I do not think so. I have figured out that I am terrified of being comfortable. See I want to be so badly, but that's the part that scares me. Every time I have gotten comfortable lately that's when my world turned upside down. I know I shouldn't think this way, but I'm trying to figure out how to reverse my thinking. This is quite difficult. It's such an odd feeling, knowing what's wrong, knowing that it needs to be fixed, but not knowing how or even where to start. Well I supposed I have lost my thoughts again. Oh well maybe my brain will subconsciously work all this out that would be quite nice.